Friday, December 23, 2011
As I was walking out I hear "Excuse me ma'am."
I think to myself...'Oh, no! Were our kids to noisy? We tried to keep them on their best behavior"
The lady then states "It is not often that parents get complimented.."
My thoughts again "ooooo we were to loud, dangit!"
Sweet lady "You couldn't see me but I was watching you all night, whatever you are doing is working, those kids were great"
My eyes started to water. ( I must get my leaky eyes fixed) "Thank you so much, that is so nice to hear. Often we are told we have "bad kids" because we are foster parents, it is nice to hear we are doing something right. Thank you"
Lady "Please keep doing what you are doing, because whatever you are doing my daughter definitely isn't."
Me "Thank you sooo much."
Lady "you are doing a very good job"
We then got up to the booth to pay our tab, and were informed that it had been taken care of. Thank you lord for the good people in this world and thank you lord for knowing that I needed to hear that I am doing something correct.
And on another not. Our eldest said to me "Mommy, I want one." as we sat down to dinner (dang eyes freakin' leaked again!) Now this may not seem much to most, I mean she is almost three..why would this bring tears to my eyes? Well because when we got her she had about a 10 word vocabulary and wasn't even doing two word sentences yet. I am one proud mommy tonight! I am so blessed to have these evil monsters in my life, I sure love them so very much.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
- The kids are doing FAR less rocking, in fact I don't think most people would even notice the rocking
- When they wake up they actually call out for me! This means they are starting to trust me.
- They make requests for needs (food, hugs, to get up)
- They are starting to explore their surrondings.
- They tell me "no"
- They know if they need us we will be there!
- Because they aren't rocking they have more time to fight with each other..
- When they wake up they make sure to wake you up too
- They are very loud when they demand things
- The kids are doing FAR less rocking, in fact I don't think most people would even notice the rocking
- Nothing is safe! I found one of the monsters laying IN the tree...feet and hands dangling
- They tell me "no"
- All I hear all day "mom, mommy, mo-ommmm" ...... "hi"
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
I love driving and looking back and seeing my entire back seat full of car seat and screaming kids. These kids have their own language.. I am not kidding!.. and they plot against me. They are VERY good plotters and they are firm believers in divide and conquer, they are very good at it as well. I feel like I heard cats all day....If you don't know what that means they you should get about 10 cats and try and heard them.
Non kid related news, Blaine got a truck on Thanksgiving. He has a 1968 Ford F250. We are no longer a 1 car family!! That means I am no longer stuck at the house all day long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am excited about this. It isn't like I really go anywhere, and I am not brave enough to go out alone with the kids again, but knowing that if I ever get crazy and want to leave I can is well...refreshing.
O O O O O OOOOOOJHJJ we have new carpet and I freaking love it!
Okay I think that is all.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Our girls have gone. We got a 30 minutes notice then were leaving (yes I am VERY bitter and hurt over this!) As soon as I got the notice I ran the girls to Blaine's work so he could give them one last hug. When I got home their stuff was everywhere. It sucked! I avoided it all for a few days and then finally when through and packed up their stuff. However because of the little notice I keep finding things and remembering how much I miss them. I hate saying goodbye it sucks! The other night Blaine mentioned that he misses being called daddy, My heart crumbled.
I am really hoping that we get a placement !soon! this house is WAY to quiet! I don't know what to do with myself when I am not care taking. I know that I should be cleaning and cooking but it seems pointless when it is just the two of us. Does anyone else of this same problem.
You may know that we recently (two months ago) started a remodel project that was only supposed to last a couple of weeks........However do to crazy lives and sickness this project has just say unfinished. We still need to sand and pain....does anyone want to sand? But we are getting we carpet! WAHOO!! It is super duper cheap but at least it wont be stained, at least for a few minutes.
We were finally able to sell my car. I miss her so much though. I loved that little car. I purchased her brand new she was pretty and nice and a good friend. But do to our growing/shrinking/then growing again/shrinking family the little car just wasn't cutting it when it came to car seats so I had to let her go. Currently we are a one car family causing me to be stuck at home a lot.
This weekend we are headed to my home town to help the family sell calves. Working cows is something Blaine has discovered since marrying me and he loves it (he is a strange strange man). My cute little city boy enjoys working cows...who woulda thunk it.
I am pretty sure one of our kittens is pregnant. Anyone want a kitten?
Lately I have been debating again on what to do concerning my cramps. I wish there was a way to know if I was even ovulating so I knew the next step. Bodies freaking suck and infertility is kicking my freaking big butt.
So how is life in your world?
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Right now on the remodeling we have the dry wall up and I think mudded, now we just need to paint, do finish work and carpet. We also need to build another wall up front to create a closet for our freezers to live in. I also had to get rid of my piano because the freezers took it's home. I miss my big piano, now how will I torture my kids with piano lessons?
Right now we still have our little ladies. I am pretty sure they will be going home in about a month. Some transitions are harder then others, I think that this one is going to be a hard one.
We are trying to sell our car right now so if anyone wants it please please buy it!
I am running out of things to write about, someone PLEASE give me ideas.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
You look at them and your heart screams " I am going to love you forever and never ever let you go, there is no way I could ever let you go"
Then your head chimes in "hey dummy there is almost a 100% chance that they are going home, hold back!"
There always seems to be this internal battle in us debating on how hard to fall in love with these kiddos. With our first placement we fell hard and fast. When they left we were crushed, it was hard to function. The second placement was a little easier but still we were crushed.
This weekend I saw my husbands gate crack a little and let the angels in even more. Now my husband has this thing about little girls. I think every daddy needs a daughter it is just an amazing beautiful love and bond. This weekend I just saw his heart open even more for these two little girls that he already loved so much. Seeing this warms my heart and breaks it at the same time. I hate to see my husband hurt. And I am certain that when our current angels leave we will be so heart broken.
I can't wait until we have angels that stay, and for my heart to say "Fall hard, fall forever, they are yours!"
Friday, July 1, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
- The baby curled up on his shoulder
- My brothers "sneaking" our oldest food after she dumped her plate and I told her she was done
- My dad loving every child that comes into our home so much that his heart breaks with ours when they leave
- My mom loving every child that comes into our home so much that her heart breaks with ours when they leave
- Seeing loved ones that live to dang far away and getting lots of hugs
- Watching our oldest wonder off
- Watching our oldest play
- They baby SCREAMING with other people and smiling the second I take her back and cuddle her only the way a true mommy me can
- My gramma telling me she is proud of me
- The way my husband still looks at me
- The poor sad kitten that has 5 toes on one paw and 6 on another and tiny little eyes and small ears.
- My family
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I am tired of raising other's kids! I just want to have kids that don't leave until I kick them out. I just want to be a mom. I want to be the one the chooses how my kids are raised and how they are educated and if or when they get shots and if they sleep in my bed and who I let watch them. I WANT TO BE A MOM! I am tired of being a freaking Fill in! I am tired of not being able to fall head over heals in love with these kids because I know they will break my husband and I's heart. I just want to know what it feels like to look in a childs eyes and know that I am incharge of protecting them, teaching them, loving them, and embarrassing them. Why can't I just want what I have....
Yes I know I am blessed beyond belief but right now I am just angry and hurt and I miss something I always wanted and likely wont have.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
On the way home we stopped at Cabella's to pick up Blaine's Father's Day present. He requested fishing poles for each of us and a tackle box. Sneaky boy made it so I get a present too..... Now I can't wait to go fishing just to find the time.
This weekend helped remind me why I married my Hairy Hubby. He is an amazing man! I was reminded that I am the most amazing lady in his eyes. He spoils me rotten and puts me first. I sure love my Hairy Hubby. He is an amazing father. His heart has been broken over and over again in our journey to become parents and yet he still allows himself to fall in love with these kids that will only tear our hearts out in the end. I love glancing over and seeing two little girls cuddled up to him and at peace.
Thank you Blaine for everything you are and everything you make me want to become. I love you sexy hairy hubby.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I feel like I haven't seen my husband much lately, when he gets home it is time for dinner and bed. we get to have an away weekend starting Friday and I am SOOO excited! I am also very excited to go swimming in the hotel swimming pool!! I am a child and I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE hotel swimming pools.
I am so glad it is finally warming up, I try and go on walks once in a while because it seems to help my mood. I also just recently got a free sit and stand double stroller and I love it! The girls seem to like it too.
I don't know what else to blog about..
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Our family dynamic seems to change a lot, from just the two of us and trying to have kids, to just the two of us and figuring out how or if we will ever have kids, to waiting for foster kids, to our first placement, to mourning and emptiness to our hardest placement ever, to deafening quiet to two babies. I wish I could figure out our normal and that it wouldn't change so much. I have a hard time adjusting and it seems like once I kind of get it it changes SOOOOO much.
I am not a good house wife, I don't know how to clean and I can't wrap my head around how people keep a tidy house. I also feel like we have a hard time because I feel like not everything has a home and they keep moving around the house. With foster kids we have to have stuff for ages 0-18 (because we accept all ages) I don't know where to store this stuff when not in use. We have a TON of room in our attic but it isn't easy to get to and we don't own a ladder.
Because I feel like I don't have any control over the change in our house I want to control something. I REALLY want to change the color of our room. I however do not know how to be cute and craft and decorate. I also am allergic to spending money so I don't know if that will ever happen. But I really need a change I can control.
Some days I get really really bitter and angry. I hate that I can't have kids...and I don't mean birthing kids I just mean I really want some kids that don't leave and take my heart with them. I hate that I can read kids that I care take better then their parents. But I also know that I am not what these kids need, they need their parents I am just a place holder.
Do any of you fellow foster mom's have a hard time transitioning? What do you do to make it easier?
Saturday, April 30, 2011
I seem to have a lot of hard days lately I am ready to just have my own kids that don't leave. I feel like getting down on the floor and throwing a "two year old" fit. Hopefully one day we will get some kids that don't leave until we kick them out and change the locks.
It has been nice to see Blaine holding two sweet babies, one tiny and one HUGE. But I am going to have a hard time watching his heart break when they go home. Daddies just have such a special bond with their little girls. I have become a firm believer that every Daddy needs a daughter.
I am having a hard time working cleaning into my schedule. My house is even gross for me and I don't like that AT ALL!! I am happy if I get dinner cooked lately and I used to pride myself in having dinner done and ready when my husband walked in the door.
Over Easter weekend we got some family pictures taken. It was so much fun!! Thank you so much for doing them for us Kristin! Kris did a wonderful job. I know she was nervous (because she told me) but she did wonderfully. My family is HUGE and well we are ummm loud and sarcastic and mean and just weird. Here are some of the picture she posted for a sneak peak. I think the pictures are proof of how CRAZY we are!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Devin if I was an animal I would definitely be a bear, a big mean momma bear
Kristin, you can't think of a question because you know me so well and well we are both pretty dang boring
Mama Foster you didn't ask a question but that is okay cause your blog helps me feel that crazy is normal
Rachel, I will confess my love to you now. You are my most loved sister named Rachel, and I even love your face!
It isn't to late the rest of you can play just see the post about sleep being boring.
How could you go look at that sweetie and not take him home. The one looking like a ditzy clown on the left hand side is Molly and she is very grateful to have another big dog to run around with.
Hudson is fitting in very well with the family and even our neurotic, grumpy, old man of a little dogs seems to get a long with and love Hudson, this in and of itself is very amazing because Trey is a bit of a jerk and well an old man and very set in his ways.
Well that is what is going on in my crazy life. How do you cope with days when both you and your partner have a rough time with infertility?
Sunday, April 10, 2011
My name is Heather, I love the color purple and I live in my house, in beautiful Utah.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
To the room mates I had when I lived in Provo,
I was a HORRIBLE room mate. I was moody, I wasn't clean, I was in and out at very strange hours, I smoked and I didn't follow through.
To Toni and Michelle. I wasn't always honest and I wasn't the nice and I often used you for excuses. I am sorry!
To my siblings, I wasn't a nice sibling I was mean and I hurt you all physically and emotionally and for that I am sorry. Know that I will always love you and be here when you need me.
To everyone that I have said the wrong thing to or said nothing at all to I am sorry. To all those I have hurt I am sorry.
Friday, April 1, 2011
One of the questions asked was how long do bad behaviors last once they are placed with you. HELLO!!! they are teenagers. I was not in foster care, I have amazing parents. When I was a teenager my parents and I hated one another, yes they will agree, now that I am growed up I can't imagine my life without them. But I well I was a peach (except not so much). I started drinking at 15, I started kissing and more with boys at 14, I was raped at 14 and then well lets just say I say myself as THAT being the only thing I was worth to men, I started smoking pot at 15 or 16, I would often sneak out of the house and be gone all night, or I would just leave to go hang out with friends and not come home until wee hours of the morning, there were times that I would leave for at least a couple days, I did not speak nicely to my family and I was okay with dieing. Let me repeat, I was NOT in Foster Care and my parents are and were amazing people.
Just because you are or are not in foster care doesn't mean you should be put into a box. I don't like how labeled foster kids become. They are kids! They are humans! They need someone to give them a hand and a heart. To those that ask, "well what if I get a foster kid and they yell at me or don't listen to me, or they do drugs or run away or have sex?" and I say.. What if you have a kid and they yell at you or don't listen to you or they do drugs or run away or have sex?? Does that mean they don't deserve your love, loyalty and guidance?
Monday, March 28, 2011
So now we sit and wait. We are accepting 0-18 and hoping for kids that are potty trained. We never know when, how, where, who, what, or why we will get a placement. I hate that us wanting kids means kids are going through trauma, it makes me feel guilty for wanting children that badly.
Also there are not carbs or chocolate in this house and I keep twitching and going through withdraws.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Depression, when people ask what they can do to help how am I supposed to say "let me do nothing, but don't tell me you are letting me do nothing." I am tired and I need you to leave.
On a happier note I have new hair! The hair dresser did it super super duper cute too!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
We have been flying high on sleep and a comfy bed. Well until our dishwasher decided to be a jerk and DIE. I would kick it but it wouldn't be worth the energy. Now we are KSL-aholics we get
Friday after an ER visit and dropping our current "monsters" at their visit, we went to Best Buy ( I am okay with never buying anything there ever), then to the Sears scratch and dent, then to an appliance repair and used shop (that was a joke), then to RC Willey's outlet store.......and then back to the Sears outlet. Are you tired yet because I was. Well we found a few we kept opening and closing and looking at and shutting and walking away and then coming back and opening them and closing them and then looking at the ones we could never afford and then going back to the other ones.. and then we finally found our new Dishwasher. She was 40% off looked more gooder (yes I use that phrase) so we took her home installed her and washed all of our dishes, yes ALL of them because we hadn't had a dishwasher in close to a week and I have been to crazy, exhausted, sick, and such to even think about hand washing dishes. She is sooo super duper amazingly quiet and makes our dishes sparkler, she has so much more room and I can put things where ever I want I don't have to draw out a diagram for every load I am going to wash to make sure everything gets kind of clean.
After this purchase I was feeling dizzy and faint and made Blaine promise no more big purchases for a while because THIS "Banker's Daughter" couldn't take it. He promised, he is a good husband and listens and even obey's some of the time.
Well this morning we woke up and were pulling out of our drive way as I receive a call from my banker of a father. "Heather your SUV needs new tires before we take it on our family vacation" (iin three weeks)
Me "Yes Father I know"
Banker of a father "Big O is having a buy 2 tires get 2 free but only for the next 29 minutes CALL RIGHT NOW"
So well we have new tires now. I expect hives any moment now.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Looks like the boys will be going home in about three weeks. I am thinking we may do older kids for our next placement. We have always been open to kids 0-18 but preferred under 10. I think we are going to request 5 and older so we can do more fun things like games and outings and stuff. Also I want a break from diapers.
I can't believe it is march already!
O we have a new addition two cute little hedgehogs, we are selling one though because I don't want to clean two cages
O and we may have baby birds in about a month, currently our Ruby has laid two eggs, her and Munchkin have been doing very well at sitting on and protecting the eggs.
I am boring someone give me an idea of something to write or vent about.
Monday, February 7, 2011
KSL classifieds is of the devil...
Friday, February 4, 2011
It looks like the boys will be going home in a little more then a month, at least I am 93% positive that they will be. Its sucks.. I don't really know what else to say other then that. I am not sure how many more pieces of my heart I can send away.
OOOO Exciting new!! My little sista RaeLene who just recently became an graduate of college and received her teaching certificate, is now employed WOOT WOOT she will be living with us until the end of the school year. WAHOO a live in maid and chef... but shhh she doesn't know that she is yet. I am oddly super duper excited to help grade papers.
My hairy hubby recently turned 30.. wow he is sure and oldie but I still love him. his party went well.
I have been doing better at keeping my house cleanish. I am very proud of this because I have to try VERY hard to get it done. Infact right now I should be cleaning but well I have a blog post to write!
As of today I am official library card carrying (that is a weird word) member of society. Now to try and remember how to use a library...
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Those moments when I forget that they have to go home. When there is only the "now" and it is great.
When the twinkle comes back into their eyes.
When you see that first real smile and hear the first real laugh
When you see them overcome something they have been battling for so long
Thank you for this question!