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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A year

 A lot has happened in a year. At this time last year we (my family) were all saying goodbye and mourning my grandfather. This time last year was a whirlwind and a bit of a blur. There was family everywhere and no where quiet. It is also the hardest thing to your daddy break down. I sure love my father. He is an awesome strong caring man. I am very blessed to have him. I also really miss my grandpa.  I don't like that if i ever have kids they wont get to know him. I sure miss that man. I never though  that I would miss hearing the same stories and jokes over and over but I do. The lesson I am learning from this is saying goodbye.

The next thing that happened is I broke my ankle. I would not recommend this to anyone. It did help teach me lessons that I think I needed to learn before this entire foster care stuff. I learned that I sometimes have to allow people to help me and that is okay.

In January we became officially foster care licensed parents. And I started working again for a little while. I remembered how much I hated the phone but loved working with fun people and for a good company. I also learned how badly I wanted to stay home.

In March we got our first placement (I think it was March) We had our first holiday with kids it was fun to see them run around looking for eggs and hiding eggs for one another. I got to see my parents be grandparents for the first holiday. Wow my kids are lucky they have some amazing grandparents. I can't believe how quickly we fell in love with our first placement they fit so perfect. We were told they wouldn't leave.. and then they did. Our hearts broke.. and they each took a piece with them.

Then in August we received a different placement and many many more lessons that we need to learn. Like.. I enjoy babies that don't crawl a little more then babies that do LOL and soon we may be learning on how to raise a child that needs a little more help.

I am now a stay at home wife and "mom" I feel that I really suck at it. They house is never clean. I seem to never have food lately. Mostly because I haven't gone shopping in a long time. I am also having a hard time balancing everything, being a wife, "mom", sister, daughter etc..Does anyone else have these problems? What do you do? I feel like I can never get my house to square one so it is only upkeep. Any tips on how to get to this point?

I feel  like this year has been a really long year. I also feel like a lot has happened. I have grown closer to my husband and family and realized how amazingly lucky I am.  Now this blog doesn't cover the half of it, but all that i can't think of to write about while pretending to take take of two little monsters

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I am so lucky

I don't think that I have wrote much about my family. I am the oldest of 8 kids, and the baby is 6. There are five of us girls and 3 boys. I wasn't the nicest teenager. Now I know that it isn't normal for a teenager to be nice.. but I was HORRIBLE!!!  I had a lot going on, among other things. Maybe one day I will delve into this but maybe not. During these very dark years I was convinced that my parents would not be a part of my adult life. I didn't want them around me or my kids. I am SO glad that I finally grew up! I can not imagine my life without my parents in it. They are amazing people. Without them I am certain I would not be who I am today. This weekend has been a very tough one for our family. I have lost a lot of faith in human kind. I have had to try and learn the hard lesson that I can't always protect my siblings. This hurts me a lot. I am a "Mother Bear" of sorts. I will only snap at you if you poke me, but if you even look at a loved one wrong I am liable to kill you. I don't like the amount of anger I currently have in my heart but I don't know how to process what happened this weekend. It all makes no sense to me. I don't know how to work through my current feelings. And I hate seeing my siblings in the same ship as me and not being able to process it. Do to this horrible heart wrenching thing my parents are currently down with my Brother (the oldest brother and 2nd child of the family) taking care of him. I am attempting to play "mom". Luckily my family was staying at my house the night things happened so my parents were able to leave the kids and go. I hope I am helping with at least some stress in them knowing that these kids are okay and that they are able to focus on Keith. I came back to Roosevelt, Utah (my home town) with my siblings to make sure that everyone can get to school and get places that they need to go. I had to leave my hairy husband at home. I sure miss him. I am greatful that I have him. I am greatful for my parents. I know that they will be there for me no matter what I need. I know that they will support me in everything. I know that they are here for our family. I am so glad that we have a close family, we may be very very crazy and loud but I am glad that we have each other. I am glad that I was raised to always be there for one another I am glad I was taught respect and how to treat others I am very glad that I was taught that without family you have nothing, friends come and go but you are stuck with family. Thank you dear lord for my crazy family.