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Thursday, December 30, 2010

8 random questions

asked by the lady here 

1- What is the craziest thing you have ever done?
ummm get married and buy a house, I mean really think about it.. it takes a lot of faith to do those things and I did them in the same month.

2- If you won the lottery what would you do with the money?
Pay off all our debt, move to Roosevelt or surrounding area, start adopting left and right!

3- Who would you say is your best friend (besides your spouse)?
My mom, and my sisters (this includes Sarah and Kristin)

4- What does a perfect day look like for you?
Anything as long as I am a mom that day, and I don't mean a mom to kids I fall in love with and then they leave to their "real" family I mean a mom to my kids.

5- What are you passionate about?
Adoption, infertility, birth parents, family

6- Did you have any resolutions for 2010? If yes- what were they and have you accoplished any?
I don't think that I have ever made a resolution, I am boring

7- What do you see yourself doing in 10 years?
Hopefully being a mom to many children, and loving on my husband, I would love to be livinging in the Basin as well.

8- If you could have a feast of your favorite foods- what would be on the menu?
plain cheese cake, Costco chocolate cake, mac and cheese, mashed tatos and gravey, stuffing, rolls,  yummy chicken without bones in it, clam chowder from Zupas, icecream, and many more carbs

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Updates and lots of pictures

Where to start.....
The life changing comment from the last blog. Life is changing a little but not in the way were afraid of. So that is good, I think.

Christmas was amazing! The cabin was so beautiful and relaxing. We were able to cook lunch and invite my family over for lunch. It was so nice and yummy! I made my first pie EVER in the world, and my second pie too LOL. I made carmel apple pies, i didn't use a recipe and it was SOOOOO Yummy. My dad and two brothers left after the family picture to do chores and do boy things. and the rest of us played games. I think that my new favorite game is called Oodles. We also played Cranium Family addition. Here as some pictures! okay moving them around is driving me insane so they will kinda be random

I get bored on the drive and take pictures

A picture of the Cabin

More of the Cabin

  Hannah..Silly Hannah

Best family picture...A lot of us were breathing from our nose or not breathing at all! Have any guesses why? 

That is all of us.. 

Smiles don't say "I love you"

 Buddah "wait I know the answer, no I don't, yeas I do, wait, yes, no"
RaeLene "times up"

Bored pictures while driving 

Daddy and his hat 

Hannah, Rachel and Keith

 Flying stocking, Keith, Mommy

Sometimes we let her take her helmet off for picutres.

Kristi (the birthday girl), RaeLene

My dad is so cool that he wears two hats!

Our tree this year

My first pie

My second pie

 The current monsters in our lives are getting super big, way to quickly. This placement has been a rough one for us. but it seems to be doing better, at least in our home. Monsters are finally starting to settle and feel secure, which has helped our stress level a lot. 

Recently my sister RaeLene FINALLY  came back from Washington D.C. where she was doing her student teaching. While she was staying at my house for a couple of days with another sister Rachel. We played games, ate at Dickies for the first time ever (WOW AMAZING FOOD!!) and went and saw the lights on temple square. 

I am so lucky and blessed to have the amazing family that I do. Now I just need kids that I get to keep so they can be blessed too

Monday, December 20, 2010

Kids and Christmas

Last night we took the boys to The Festival of Lights in Spanish Fork, Utah. The three year old had a blast! It was so adorable to see him get so excited for the lights and hide for the dinosaurs, because as he told us."they eat you num num num!" He waved at everything and got so excited. I am amazed at seeing things through a child's eyes. Things become so big and fun and fascinating.

We have finally set plans for Christmas So I am starting to get into the spirit a little bit more. We are Headed to stay in a cabin just the two of us. WOOT WOOT! It will be nice to be able to reconnect and spend some us time. We are also staying out by my family so we will get to spend time with them too.

Life may be changing again, I guess we will find out tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Christmas threw up.

Well that is what our front room looks like anyways, like Christmas threw up ALLLLL over. No matter how hard I just can't get into the spirit of Christmas. Maybe it is the lack of snow. I mean really rain in December...Do I live in Utah?? Maybe it is the lack of plans for Christmas, lately all that we do has to be scheduled around weekly visits. Maybe it is the lack of funds for gifts, yet another year when there will be nothing under the tree. Maybe it is because I haven't sat on Santa's lap. Could it be that I have cleaned up vomit more days then not this month, I am pretty sure that Darren's sheets have been washed more this week then mine has been washed in over a year. Maybe it is the unknowing of what will happen after Tuesday, the fear to get to close. Maybe it is my grumpy husband that no matter what I do he is still in a funk. I guess after all this whining....Does anyone know how to get me into the spirit?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Fun Stuff

So we helped my dad "preg check" cows November 20th. This has an entire different meaning now that I know I am infertile. For those of you who are city folk, "preg checking" is when a vet shoves his hand up the private area of a cow to find out if said cow is pregnant and if she is how far along. Do you know what happens to the ones that are NOT pregnant......well they are butchered and eaten. So if you can't get pregnant you get dead....ouch. The cows were well behaved for the most part..other then the one that ran into my brother...but have no fear my 15 pound dog defended his honor...well he tried to defend Keith's honor.

 Our current 3year old LOVES cows so he had a blast. Thanks to "Pappa Steve" (my daddy) every time this little boy sees a cow he says, "freak cows!!" and by says I mean yells with the biggest smile on his face. It is funny that something I am not the hugest fan of can bring such joy to a little guy. Our little dude also got to ride out the for-da-wheel-ar (four-wheeler) with "Keithy". He loves Roosevelt and always hates to leave. He has asked everyday since we got home when we get to go back.

For thanks giving our two current monsters were on a visit. Blaine and I had Thanksgiving dinner for just the two of us. It was super nice and super yummy. We haven't had much "us time" so it was perfect. And for dinner Blaine's Grandma invited us to eat at Mi Mi's Cafe, NEVER AGAIN, I got super sick not fun.

The Saturday after thanksgiving we went up to the cabin of one of Blaine's other grandparents. It was just what the doctor ordered. It was so nice and relaxing to do nothing is such beautiful country. We even went sledding. Our oldest is the biggest wimp and I really thought he would cry the entire time down, boy was I wrong. He loved it and didn't want to stop. I however was VERY nervous it looked scary but after the first time I to was hooked. He was cute and the top of the hill he would got "2, 5, 9" (or other random numbers) and then would go "WEEE, YAY, WAHOO!" the entire time down it was super cute. We also went on a four-wheeler ride so we could see all the beauty god created. Blaine cooked all the meals while we were there so  that was a nice break too. The baby got to play in the snow.. He loved it until he tried to crawl and got a face full of snow, I laughed, he screamed and when I brought him inside he made sure to pick up all the pieces of snow and eat them. I also LOVED how we could see so many stars, I really miss the stars while I am in the city. Sunday came and it was time to go home, and no mater how much I wished to be snowed in it didn't happen.  I wish I could make this post less boring and post pictures, however do to rules I can't post pictures of our currents and they are in all the pics. Sorry guys.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I can't think of a question to ask... so what is the first thought that pops in your head?

I need a weekend away with my husband. I sure seem to miss him a lot. It seems like lately we are always going and we don't get to enjoy each other as much as we used to

Ask me anything

What is your favorite thing to do in the summer?

This summer I enjoyed being outside and going swimming I have decided that my husband thinks I am beautiful so who cares what I look like in a swimming suit.

Ask me anything

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Not meant to offend

Does EVERYONE have to be pregnant? I hate that I wont ever have a natural child birth. I hate that I don't get to decide weather I breast feed or use formula (I HATE FORMULA) I hate that I don't get to choose how to raise the kids in my house. I hate that I can't feel a baby kick. I have no control over the care of the child in utero. I am angry I am mad. And I am tired of rising other people's kids all for them to go home and everything I have done be un done. I am tired of worrying sick about kids that aren't mine while they are on visits. I hate that I can't just get nekkid with my husband and "ooops we weren't planning to get pregnant so soon" we wont even be married a year by the time we have our first. I want push a baby out and look it it in it's gooeyness and see my husband in it's face. I thought I was over this but I am not. Ever since I could remember I wanted to breast feed and have a home birth (I know it isn't aloud in Utah) I wanted my mom and husband to be there holding my hands while I scream in pain. I wanted to feel the baby kick my bladder. I never got a bridal shower since we got married so quickly (oddly that made me very sad) and I wanted to atleast have a baby shower..for once I was going to be okay with attention on me. I want to see my husband be a daddy and not have worry about how bad it will hurt when they leave. I hate having to worry about weather or not to get on birth control because of the "what if". I hate the actual physical pain each month that says "haha your aren't pregnant" I hate that I can't share pictures and laughs and heart aches with many people when it comes to the kids in my house do to privacy.  I hate seeing some people that get to be parents...well if you define a parent as someone who shares genetics with the child...not in the actual parenting part. I hate that I deal with the hard parenting stuff and "they" have the fun stuff... weekends and holidays and birthdays. I want the bad with the good. I don't like having much control on how I plan out my time.. I have to plan around "their" time. I hate how angry  I get when I see posts on KSL and Freecycle requesting things for their unborn/born children because they can't afford to get it. Why don't they post the child on KSL or Freecycle.. I would be willing to take that. I don't like when people call me a saint. I am not a saint. I am selfishly doing foster care because I can't stand how lonely and quiet our house is.

Now I know that I have blessings. I have an amazing man as a husband. I am blessed with an awesome family that supports me in everything, doesn't judge me and loves me no matter what. I have a house, our bills get paid mostly on time and I have food in my belly. I also live in the prettiest state.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A year

 A lot has happened in a year. At this time last year we (my family) were all saying goodbye and mourning my grandfather. This time last year was a whirlwind and a bit of a blur. There was family everywhere and no where quiet. It is also the hardest thing to your daddy break down. I sure love my father. He is an awesome strong caring man. I am very blessed to have him. I also really miss my grandpa.  I don't like that if i ever have kids they wont get to know him. I sure miss that man. I never though  that I would miss hearing the same stories and jokes over and over but I do. The lesson I am learning from this is saying goodbye.

The next thing that happened is I broke my ankle. I would not recommend this to anyone. It did help teach me lessons that I think I needed to learn before this entire foster care stuff. I learned that I sometimes have to allow people to help me and that is okay.

In January we became officially foster care licensed parents. And I started working again for a little while. I remembered how much I hated the phone but loved working with fun people and for a good company. I also learned how badly I wanted to stay home.

In March we got our first placement (I think it was March) We had our first holiday with kids it was fun to see them run around looking for eggs and hiding eggs for one another. I got to see my parents be grandparents for the first holiday. Wow my kids are lucky they have some amazing grandparents. I can't believe how quickly we fell in love with our first placement they fit so perfect. We were told they wouldn't leave.. and then they did. Our hearts broke.. and they each took a piece with them.

Then in August we received a different placement and many many more lessons that we need to learn. Like.. I enjoy babies that don't crawl a little more then babies that do LOL and soon we may be learning on how to raise a child that needs a little more help.

I am now a stay at home wife and "mom" I feel that I really suck at it. They house is never clean. I seem to never have food lately. Mostly because I haven't gone shopping in a long time. I am also having a hard time balancing everything, being a wife, "mom", sister, daughter etc..Does anyone else have these problems? What do you do? I feel like I can never get my house to square one so it is only upkeep. Any tips on how to get to this point?

I feel  like this year has been a really long year. I also feel like a lot has happened. I have grown closer to my husband and family and realized how amazingly lucky I am.  Now this blog doesn't cover the half of it, but all that i can't think of to write about while pretending to take take of two little monsters

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I am so lucky

I don't think that I have wrote much about my family. I am the oldest of 8 kids, and the baby is 6. There are five of us girls and 3 boys. I wasn't the nicest teenager. Now I know that it isn't normal for a teenager to be nice.. but I was HORRIBLE!!!  I had a lot going on, among other things. Maybe one day I will delve into this but maybe not. During these very dark years I was convinced that my parents would not be a part of my adult life. I didn't want them around me or my kids. I am SO glad that I finally grew up! I can not imagine my life without my parents in it. They are amazing people. Without them I am certain I would not be who I am today. This weekend has been a very tough one for our family. I have lost a lot of faith in human kind. I have had to try and learn the hard lesson that I can't always protect my siblings. This hurts me a lot. I am a "Mother Bear" of sorts. I will only snap at you if you poke me, but if you even look at a loved one wrong I am liable to kill you. I don't like the amount of anger I currently have in my heart but I don't know how to process what happened this weekend. It all makes no sense to me. I don't know how to work through my current feelings. And I hate seeing my siblings in the same ship as me and not being able to process it. Do to this horrible heart wrenching thing my parents are currently down with my Brother (the oldest brother and 2nd child of the family) taking care of him. I am attempting to play "mom". Luckily my family was staying at my house the night things happened so my parents were able to leave the kids and go. I hope I am helping with at least some stress in them knowing that these kids are okay and that they are able to focus on Keith. I came back to Roosevelt, Utah (my home town) with my siblings to make sure that everyone can get to school and get places that they need to go. I had to leave my hairy husband at home. I sure miss him. I am greatful that I have him. I am greatful for my parents. I know that they will be there for me no matter what I need. I know that they will support me in everything. I know that they are here for our family. I am so glad that we have a close family, we may be very very crazy and loud but I am glad that we have each other. I am glad that I was raised to always be there for one another I am glad I was taught respect and how to treat others I am very glad that I was taught that without family you have nothing, friends come and go but you are stuck with family. Thank you dear lord for my crazy family.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

TMI...I am sure of it

So I notice my blog is very boring. I would like to make it more boring. Lately I have been feeling like I really need to get on some type of birth control. 'What, a infertile person needs birth control?' Well yes we do. LUCKY US!! (Not so much) My cramps have been taking me out of commission for at least a day and that is even with tons and tons of drugs. It is hard to be out of commission for at least a day a month with little monsters in the house. I do have an amazing hairy husband that steps up when I can't move but I hate being in that much pain. You may find yourself asking why I am not already on birth control if the pain is that bad. Because there is like the smallest itsy bitsy tiny smallest chance that we could get pregnant and I feel like if I get on birth control then I am shutting a door on God and not letting him do what he wants to do . But I am also tired of the little tinj of heartache when grumpy Aunt Flo comes around. I still don't know what to do. My amazing hairy husband said that the chance of maybe getting pregnant isn't worth the pain he sees me in. I sure love that man. So now.. what to do..

Well that was a gross post.. Sorry guys just had to get it off my chest I guess. Today my goal is to get laundry done and I would LOVE to get our spare room put together but I don't know if I can do that by myself. So How is everyone of my 4 readers?

Saturday, September 18, 2010


Do you ever just want your mommy? Today I do!!! I am sure I would move to the "Basin" in 3 hours flat today..

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Sleeping, and not sleeping

I have a 6 (close to 7 month) old foster baby that WILL NOT sleep unless he is bundled in 2-3 blankets so he can't move, with a bink in his mouth. Today he fell asleep under a blankey YAY that is so exciting to me. I would see if his bink was in his mouth but I am afraid that he might wake up.

This last weekend the hairy husband and I went to Park City, Utah for a night. We even dressed up and went out to dinner, and then Chocolate Factory for fudge, and then the liquor store. We tried a Strawberry White Zinfandel. Blaine took one sip and he was done.. I had a glass it wasn't bad but not my favorite that is for sure. On the way home Sunday we stopped at the Hub and had breakfast and peach pie... I WANT MORE OF THE PEACH PIE!! It was home made with fresh peaches it was amazing and Delicious. Blaine then got me a clock that I have been wanting FOREVER I love it. I am a luck woman to have such an amazing man. I love my husband sooooooooo much. The get away was just want we needed.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


Sorry that I haven't posted in a while ( I am not sure that many people read the blog so I am sure no one noticed). We received another placement, two boys, 6 months and 2 years. This adjustment has been much harder then our prior one. The actual case has been easier however. We have actually been in the loop and know what the goals are. I can't tell you how amazing this is for us. It has mad it a lot easier. The 6 month old is finally sleeping through the night now too so that is helping. I feel horrible for the sweet two year old though, he misses home and his parents so much. Each day seems to get a little easier for him.

Blaine and I are taking another night at a hotel. We have sure missed each other lately, which makes me grumpy. It also seems like we have been going non stop for a while. Our yard sale is over and well we didn't do so great at all. So we have all the stuff in our yard still. I am willing to pay someone $20 to come take it away today!

Speaking of my wonderful husband and our yard sale. He manned the second yard sale all by himself so I could go to a funeral in my home town. He is an amazing man and I am so glad that I have him. We may not like each other sometimes but I am so greatful he is mine. He is the best Man in the entire world.  He is such a strong person and he keeps me sane.

Friday, July 30, 2010


All days I miss my grampa but somedays I forget he is gone and wonder what he is doing, and then get hit by a ton of bricks remembering that he isn't on this earth anymore. I sure miss hearing him say "we sure are proud of you guys" "I sure do love you, you are a good kid" My grandpa was an awesome strong man, he taught me that duct and bailing twine will fix everything, and duct tape makes awesome band aids. I hate that my kids wont ever get to meet my awesome grandpa here on earth but I know that he is up there loving on them and teaching them all about duct tape and bailing twine. I really miss his stories.

 I loved how unforgettable you made my wedding day. I miss hearing about all your horses, every time I see a horse i think of you. You were  the best grandpa anyone could ask for. I miss you saying "Heather Feather how is the weather?"

Grampa I sure love you and I am really proud of you. I miss you a lot. Give our babies some loves for us please, but don't keep them up there to long I sure want to love on them!

Sunday, July 25, 2010


Yesterday we went with some friends to Lagoon. Lagoon is our only amusement park in Utah. I had so much fun with my hunny, he acts kike a kid that is FINALLY tall enough to ride all of the rides. There have been very few smiles lately and he was just beaming. We are also going back next weekend on the bounce back pass. And then on August 2nd we have a foster care party at Raging Waters WAHOOOO.

I drove out to my home town of Roosevelt after Lagoon. I love Roosevelt it renews my heart and soul. I wish we could move out here sooner rather then later. I am out to pick up stuff wonderful people are donating to sell at our yard sale. So if you are reading this and have stuff for me to pick up in the Basin let me know.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and support

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Our adoption website!

Our adoption website is live HERE I am so excited and I love it. It was done by Kimberly Walsh you can e-mail her at she was so fast and sweet and amazing and crafty and awesome and brilliant! Thank you SOOOO much Kimberly

Monday, July 19, 2010

Getting into a different shape.

I have recently been conned by a very dear friend to go walking in the morning so we can be healthier. I woke up before 10am this morning to go walking. Those of you that know me, KNOW that I don't like waking up.  We started walking at about 7:30 and it was already hot! I miss having cool morning and evenings. I currently have quarter sized blisters on my ankles. All I ever wear are flip flops so my ankles don't know how to handle tennis shoes. Maybe tomorrow we should go bike riding, that will be easier on my ankles, but harder on some other parts. We are also considering buying a membership to a gym but I have a REALLY hard time with the amount you pay to join a gym.

I have noticed since being just the two of us + three dogs and some fish that our bedtime has gone out the window. It used to be a rarity for us to be in bed and sleeping after 10pm now it is a rarity for us to even be thinking about sleeping at 10pm. I think I had an easier time making myself clean when we had kids. Dishes certainly got done more then once a week. And I think laundry was more likely to get put away.

We are getting a website built for us for our adoption. with a button so that people can donate to help us get to our goal for adoption. And so people can get to know us a little better. I am super excited!!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

yard sale!

We are deciding to start working harder on being able to afford adoption. So we are crazy enough to do another yard sale this year. We are of course requesting donations on things to sell because well we don't have anything to sell. I am so overwhelmed that I have no idea where to start. So if you want to help or have any ideas please let us know.

As I mentioned I am having a hard time cooking with it being so hot and only being the two of us. If anyone has any easy CHEAP easy quick recipes I would love to hear them.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

It has been almost a week since we have gone back to just the two of us + three dogs and some fish. I can't remember the last time this house was so quiet, well except when the kids were getting into trouble. Last night Blaine and I started some more foster classes on how to better help youth. The teacher made this statement and it has just stuck with me. "Respect is not how you act but who you are" I have a hard time with "kids these days" and lack of respect. I am a firm believer that everything starts with respect. If you have respect for god, others, and yourself that your behavior will show that.

Currently Blaine and I are unsure where we are going with our life. We are taking at least one more placement and then seeing how we feel about things after that. But until we get kids we are just enjoying each other. I have found it hard to cook for just the two of us though. Sometimes it just seems like such a hassle for two people.

We have been advised of a possible adoption situation. I don't have many details but wouldn't mind prayers.

This weekend we went to my home town. We had a family reunion that the hubby and I helped my dad make a dutch oven dinner for. I sure am blessed to have been raised in such amazing country and to have such an awesome family. I didn't realize how amazing they were until I realized that they weren't the norm.  We played volleyball at this said reunion... I STILLLLLL hurt... I feel I may be getting old. But it was A LOT of fun.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

I knew it was an evil evil thing

The trampoline has claimed it's first toe! I am pretty sure it is broken. Please send casseroles and flowers and money too.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


Swimming was a blast! Reagan actually didn't hold onto me like she was trying to be me. I used sunblock(because i am so white i glow in the dark) I am now so red I could be mistaken for a cooked lobster, and i am getter redder OUCH. I do love my "supportive swimming suit"

Is it Friday yet? Blaine and I are having a  "pretend to like each other again" weekend and it seems like it is taking FOREVER!!
The boys have been gone now for two weeks. We did see them last weekend when we dropped Reagan off for a visit, i felt my heart re-breaking and the numbness going away. I didn't know it was possible to love someone soo much. I just hope they know how much they are loved and by soooo many people. Those boys are amazing people. And will do amazing things with their lives.

We found out Reagan can be gone as soon as next week. I am glad that she will be back with her brothers. But selfishly missing her already. She is such a sweet sunshine.

Our weather has been COLD, turned the furnace on, COLD! But today better be warm because we are going swimming!! I am so excited, excited enough that I am even willing to put on a swimming suit. I also have a a new swimming suit that I think that I actually like.

I don't know if i have told anyone lately but I love my husband. He is such a great man. He is my rock. He keeps me going. He makes me smile. He is also an AWESOME punching bag. I am so glad that god let me meet you and have you in my life.

We went to Cabella's on Sunday to pick up some crawdad traps for my younger, taller, brother. I found couches that I really Reallly REALLY want. Blaine informed me that even if I had 3 million dollars and all our bills were paid and we had all the kids we could never handle I still wouldn't buy them. Apparently he thinks I am a tight wad and a banker's daughter, all of which are true... but I think I could do it.. maybe...I would atleast buy the cute $7.00 sign that said "A grumpy old bear lives here with his honey" with that 3 million dollars.

This blog needs some humor... Reagan has taken to pulling down my shirt to show my cleavage, pointing, and VERY loudly (in public) shouting "Butt momma BUTT!"

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Our trampoline is up! Our girl is a little timid about playing on it, she is however warming up. I have decided 3 kids is SOOOOOOO much easier then 1. Lately our current one has not left my side on purpose for more then three minutes. I am babysitting three other girls today so hopefully that will help with the "clingy-ness"

I am very blessed with a very patient and understanding husband. I have been less then up to par when it comes to house work and cooking. I have also been nice and grumpy.. He just smiles and walks out of the room. We have planned a get away next weekend. Hopefully that will help us refresh and renew. I got the room for half off so I am super excited and proud. I am not the nicest wife in the world. So I would like my husband to know how much I love and appreciate him. Without him I would be nothing.

Lately I have been having a hard time with infertility. I am a person that has never wanted to do  IVF recently I have been willing to go through all the pain and emotions that go through that. I am certain if we had the money that I would be and the doctor with my legs in stirrups. We are starting to realize that we will likely not have a family that we raise for ever, instead a family we raise for a while and teach them lessons we hope the carry forever. I am having a hard time accepting that.

I just read such a cute refreshing book. A Room with a Zoo by Jules Feiffer. It was an easy read and I could have read it all in one sitting but Blaine made me go to sleep.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Just Checking in

It has been a little while since I have posted anything. I guess it is because I have had so much to say but so little that I knew how to say. The boys have gone. So we just currently have the little girl. The house is far to quiet. I don't know how to entertain just one child. I should have more time to do my housework now but I am just DRAINED!

Guys please give me ideas on what to blog about.

Monday, May 24, 2010

We found out our hearts will be walking out the door a week from Tuesday. The two oldest will be leaving. Why can't i just be a mom? How am I supposed to deal with this pain. What about the kids...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Okay, so I haven't Blogged in a while. I have a lot going on in my head and have been afraid that it will come out negative. We found out last week that the boys could be gone as soon as the 24th. This breaks my heart, I know it is what we signed up for, but that doesn't make it easier. I just hope I have made a change for the better in their lives and that I have taught them some life lessons. I can't believe how much they have grown in every way in the past two months. Today is two months exactly. It is hard to imagine how our life was before when there was only Blaine, I and the pets. I love these kids so much. I sure hope that when they walk out of this house with my heart in their little sweet hands that a new one grows back soon.

On a lighter note...
We are now the "proud" owners of a trampoline. This may seem trivial to some, however for me I am very anti-trampoline. They scare me, I mean I love jumping on them, kids get hurt so easily on them. The trampoline ownership is a HUGE step for me. Our first rule however is that no other kids can jump on it without written permission from their parents.. that note will also need to include their name signed in blood, and notarized and finger prints and a copy of photo id and insurance card. That isn't going overboard is it? I mainly want it so in the summer we can have camp outs on the tramp. We also have a fire put that i want to get set up so we can roast marshmallows. (roasted peeps are a little piece of heaven by the way)

So I had my first Mother's day as a mom this year. My sweet monsters each got me a daisy and a hug and Hunter made a card for me at school. I also requested to not have to yell at them. They did better then par so no complaints. God really has blessed me with these cute angles.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Payment for being a mom

Recently my boys were out on our back steps playing with side walk chalk and a see a little four year old hand pop through the door with three dandy lions. I then hear in my sweet Carter's voice "I got these for you, can you put them in a vase" I get a vase and my sweet carter and my caring Hunter feel it up as much as they can and order me to put them in the window.
My flowers have since ummm stopped living but still sit in my window seal because every time i see them it make my heart smile, and ache at the same time. I wish life had a pause button I hate knowing that I may have to watch my heart walk away in the hands of three sweets kids in the future. I love them SOO much and knowing that they will walk away is indescribable.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Thanx Missy

I would like to blog about another blog Now I have never done this before so please bare with me.

She put something into words that I never could "We learned very quickly after we announced our intent to adopt that Satan hates adoption and fights it with all his might. The spiritual warfare we have contended with has been real and intimidating. As more Christians hear the call of god to rise up and protect the orphan, the armies of the Enemy assemble and seize ever opportunity to attack." Wow thank you Missy! Thank you for putting my feelings into words.

This one Paragraph has made such a difference in my life and given me peace. Thank god for answered prayers.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Apple Slicer

So I have always seen those apple slicers int he store.. you know they are round, and then have the lines that meet in the middle to another circle to core the apple. If you understood that description you are amazing. Anyways i would see those and think.. wow how lazy could you be to need one of those.. now that i have kids that like cut apples i completely understand them and why you need them! I now need one and the next time i go to the store i am sure to get one. For those of you that were confused by my description I have found a picture.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

I would ask if you would pick your vacuum over your husband, but then I realized you might need the vacuum to clean the hairy husband....

Yeah if it wasn't for the hairy husband i wouldn't ned the vacuum

Ask me anything

Why will you only own black and white dogs? And why isn't one of them a dalmation?

Dalmations are hyper crazy dogs.. even more so then my brats.. and Blaine is the reason we have black and white.. I guess dogs have to match.. clothes on the other hand, not so much

Ask me anything

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Do you feel like foster/adoptive parents are held to a "higher standard" than moms who give birth to their children? As an adoptive and foster mom, I feel this way sometimes. Is it just me?

I do feel some people do hold foster, adoptive, and families who suffer from infertility to a higher standard. Just because we wanted babies for so long and with every bit of us doesn't mean we have an easier go at the whole parent thing. I find people always think we have no clue as to what we are getting into, if we didn't know what we were getting into we wouldn't have spent endless nights crying from empty arms. we would not have had people come into our homes, lives, and families to judge if we are "good enough" to be parents. We wouldn't spend countless hours balancing preparing for a baby/child and trying not to torture our self by having kid things in the house. We wouldn't hide the tears with a smile every time we hold some one's baby or someone announces a pregnancy. We are parents too.. we are new and what we are doing and even though we adopted or are fostering kids they still did not come with an owner manual. I ofter feel like I am a blind person trying to separate clothes into groups by colour. I have no clue what I am doing a lot of the time and feel that because I wanted kids so badly I can't ask for help. I love my kids sooo much.. and that makes it even harder because sooner or later I have to say goodbye.

Ask me anything

What has been the funnest part since those cute kids came into your home. Oh, and the funniest. And your favorite.

The things that stick out in my head..The first night that Carter didn't wipe off my kiss and gave me a "squish my head off hug" when tucking him into bed. Hunter's first day of school when he ran all the way back in the house just to give me a hug! The first time Reagan said "yes please" and "ma-mom-mommy-mama-ma-mom" and i said "what" and she said "hi"

my favorite is like this morning when three smiling (well four if you count my hairy husband) are right there when I open my eyes. I feel ever so blessed... I just hope to do good by them

Ask me anything

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I need things to blog about. Please help me out here! Thank you!

Sunday, March 14, 2010


Thursday morning we were blessed with three sweet amazing cute kids. The kids have adjusted AMAZINGLY well, us as the foster parents... well we are working on adjusting. I have decided being pregnant is by far the much easier was of being a parent, and this is why....
1- you know about around the time the kid can come that way you can prepare and get things you know you will need

2- you are used to lack of sleep because you were so uncomfortable while pregnant that you learned to manage.

3- you have a baby and usually one at a time

4- you know the child and for the most part are able to tell what the need

More to come I am sure.

Don't think that i don't feel blessed, because I am overwhelmed with how lucky we are right now. Tears well up in my eyes quite often.

Monday, March 8, 2010

This Saturday I babysat four kids 9 year old boy, a 4 year old girl, a 2 year old little boy and a 5 month old infant. To say the least it was a day, there was ruining someone's playing card, there was hitting, there was my 3 month old puppy being thrown off the top bunk bed, there was a baby that wouldn't sleep for more then 15 minutes at a time, this same baby was also exercising her vocal chords with screaming. Needles to say I kept looking at the clock waiting for the time when mom and dad would come pick them up and I could tattle on them and send them on their way. I for the first time "knew" there was no way that I was fit for foster care, I was having a hard time babysitting how could I handle having kids left and my house and being their "mom" I was ready to call and say "just kidding I don't think I am cut out to be a foster mom" and then the kids were gone and my house was so deafeningly quiet. So now just new rules,
1- dogs are not aloud on the bed during "play time"
2- If you break it you do chores to earn money to replace it
3- Babies must nap longer then 15 minutes
4- "exercising the vocal chords" is only aloud somewhere else when I am not there
5- adults get nap time too
6- hitting is not okay and I will chop off your hands no questions asked

Now I am sure this list will grow greatly.

Now I know better then to whine to everyone about how quiet my house is, I however will still continue to whine about it until I get a noisy house again..

Friday, February 26, 2010

I have become a very bitter person.... why can't I just be happy for people that are pregnant and people that have kids?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Well we had our last person come over and grill us before we are able to do foster care. Tomorrow we will be presented to the board, and if we pass then we wait for a placement any where from one day to years, I really hope that we pass and get kids in this home soon. I am so ready to be a "mom"

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


We have been waiting since January 13th for a call from our Resource Family Consultant so we can start waiting for foster kids. I am so tired of waiting! Will there ever be kids in this house? Will I ever get to be a mom? Can one thing just go smoothly without any brick walls? GAH!

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Why is it that when someone tells me about their good new do I want to just break down and cry. I hate how consumed with envy I have because since June. In fact I remember one time being told how a customer at my last job had a miscarriage and I was SO jealous because she actually got to be pregnant for just a moment. I feel like such a horrible person because I felt this way. I know it is stupid but I still can't stop the feelings.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My First EVER

Okay well I have always wanted to blog but never really knew what to say. I am sure that these posts will be full of rambling.

Blaine and I found out June 17, 2009 that we do not have the recipe to make babies. We were gun ho and ready to adopt. and then we started getting prices, WOW, we tried to raise money we got so close and I then became unemployed. We starting thinking more and more about foster care and decided to bit the bullet and get certified. We completed all eight, four hour classes in November. Side note.... I broke my ankle November 6th so this was even more challenging. We completed our classes and then December just disappeared we did our safety check January 13th. We are now waiting for our Resource Family Consultant to give us a call so we can start getting place with children. Going through this process of bringing kids into our home has help teach us some hard lessons, some of which we are still learning. It has also forced us to have some hard talks and take some detailed looks at us as people and who we are and what we want to become.

We also lost my grandfather the end of October, I am still trying to remind myself that he isn't here anymore. It is hard knowing that my children wont get to know him. I sure miss that man.

Well I guess I am done rambling for now.