I am so lucky

I don't think that I have wrote much about my family. I am the oldest of 8 kids, and the baby is 6. There are five of us girls and 3 boys. I wasn't the nicest teenager. Now I know that it isn't normal for a teenager to be nice.. but I was HORRIBLE!!!  I had a lot going on, among other things. Maybe one day I will delve into this but maybe not. During these very dark years I was convinced that my parents would not be a part of my adult life. I didn't want them around me or my kids. I am SO glad that I finally grew up! I can not imagine my life without my parents in it. They are amazing people. Without them I am certain I would not be who I am today. This weekend has been a very tough one for our family. I have lost a lot of faith in human kind. I have had to try and learn the hard lesson that I can't always protect my siblings. This hurts me a lot. I am a "Mother Bear" of sorts. I will only snap at you if you poke me, but if you even look at a loved one wrong I am liable to kill you. I don't like the amount of anger I currently have in my heart but I don't know how to process what happened this weekend. It all makes no sense to me. I don't know how to work through my current feelings. And I hate seeing my siblings in the same ship as me and not being able to process it. Do to this horrible heart wrenching thing my parents are currently down with my Brother (the oldest brother and 2nd child of the family) taking care of him. I am attempting to play "mom". Luckily my family was staying at my house the night things happened so my parents were able to leave the kids and go. I hope I am helping with at least some stress in them knowing that these kids are okay and that they are able to focus on Keith. I came back to Roosevelt, Utah (my home town) with my siblings to make sure that everyone can get to school and get places that they need to go. I had to leave my hairy husband at home. I sure miss him. I am greatful that I have him. I am greatful for my parents. I know that they will be there for me no matter what I need. I know that they will support me in everything. I know that they are here for our family. I am so glad that we have a close family, we may be very very crazy and loud but I am glad that we have each other. I am glad that I was raised to always be there for one another I am glad I was taught respect and how to treat others I am very glad that I was taught that without family you have nothing, friends come and go but you are stuck with family. Thank you dear lord for my crazy family.