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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Yes I am a horrible selfish person

I need to vent for just a moment please

I am tired of raising other's kids! I just want to have kids that don't leave until I kick them out. I just want to be a mom. I want to be the one the chooses how my kids are raised and how they are educated and if or when they get shots and if they sleep in my bed and who I let watch them. I WANT TO BE A MOM! I am tired of being a freaking Fill in! I am tired of not being able to fall head over heals in love with these kids because I know they will break my husband and I's heart. I just want to know what it feels like to look in a childs eyes and know that I am incharge of protecting them, teaching them, loving them, and embarrassing them. Why can't I just want what I have....

Yes I know I am blessed beyond belief but right now I am just angry and hurt and I miss something I always wanted and likely wont have.


Savannah said...

I'm sorry you are a "fill in". I hate that too. I hope someday you get to be more. I hope someday you get a set of kids (because I know you won't be happy with just one) that never have to leave. I hope someday they drive you nuts, and you only have yourself and Blaine to blame. But then someday they will not drive you nuts and they will thank you for all you did for them. That is my wish for you.

MamaFoster said...

some day you will be THE mom, not "just" the foster mom. being a mom is being a mom, regardless of being able to keep the kids forever or not.

I know how much it hurts to have them leave. and it hurts just so bad. it isn't fair at all. your right, but someday something amazing is going to happen!

Ash0leyWad0ley said...

Heather, I love you.

Kristin said...

You are NOT a horrible, selfish person so don't say that anymore or else I'll have to get you a dinosaur to rawr at you, too and you can ask Scott how scary it is having him stare at you all day long. Y

ou are an amazing, beautiful person and you deserve everything you hope for. Plus some.