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Monday, July 25, 2011

Cracking the gate

One of the biggest struggles I have had is figuring out how much to allow these sweet angels into my heart. It is something both my husband and I struggle with. It is a way of guarding out hearts so we hurt as little as possible when our angels go back home.

You look at them and your heart screams " I am going to love you forever and never ever let you go, there is no way I could ever let you go"

Then your head chimes in "hey dummy there is almost a 100% chance that they are going home, hold back!"

There always seems to be this internal battle in us debating on how hard to fall in love with these kiddos. With our first placement we fell hard and fast. When they left we were crushed, it was hard to function. The second placement was a little easier but still we were crushed.

This weekend I saw my husbands gate crack a little and let the angels in even more. Now my husband has this thing about little girls. I think every daddy needs a daughter it is just an amazing beautiful love and bond. This weekend I just saw his heart open even more for these two little girls that he already loved so much. Seeing this warms my heart and breaks it at the same time. I hate to see my husband hurt. And I am certain that when our current angels leave we will be so heart broken.

I can't wait until we have angels that stay, and for my heart to say "Fall hard, fall forever, they are yours!"

1 comment:

Savannah said...

I don't think there is a happy/safe medium for your situation. You do the best you can and when they leave, you do the best you can to pick yourself off the floor and gather the pieces of your heart. Just to repair in time for it to start all over again. I love your end statement, and I hope that day come soon. Loves!