Fatherhood

To those of you that question weather or not my husband is a father. He is the greatest father I have met. He has loved on, tucked in, told stories to, comforted, taught, guided, listened to and fallen in love with seven children in this past year. He is a father in the truest sense of the word. He has also had to do something many fathers never have to, and has had to say goodbye to his children. Yet he still stands tall and keeps going. So to you I say. My husband is an awesome father, and I am blessed to see him raise our children

Melting

Here is a list of things that made my heart melt this weekend.

• The baby curled up on his shoulder 
• My brothers "sneaking" our oldest food after she dumped her plate and I told her she was done
• My dad loving every child that comes into our home so much that his heart breaks with ours when they leave
• My mom loving every child that comes into our home so much that her heart breaks with ours when they leave
• Seeing loved ones that live to dang far away and getting lots of hugs
• Watching our oldest wonder off
• Watching our oldest play
• They baby SCREAMING with other people and smiling the second I take her back and cuddle her only the way a true mommy me can
• My gramma telling me she is proud of me
• The way my husband still looks at me
• The poor sad kitten that has 5 toes on one paw and 6 on another and tiny little eyes and small ears.
• My family

Yes I am a horrible selfish person

I need to vent for just a moment please

I am tired of raising other's kids! I just want to have kids that don't leave until I kick them out. I just want to be a mom. I want to be the one the chooses how my kids are raised and how they are educated and if or when they get shots and if they sleep in my bed and who I let watch them. I WANT TO BE A MOM! I am tired of being a freaking Fill in! I am tired of not being able to fall head over heals in love with these kids because I know they will break my husband and I's heart. I just want to know what it feels like to look in a childs eyes and know that I am incharge of protecting them, teaching them, loving them, and embarrassing them. Why can't I just want what I have....


Yes I know I am blessed beyond belief but right now I am just angry and hurt and I miss something I always wanted and likely wont have.

Weekend Away

This last weekend Blaine and I went to Park City to enjoy a little "us time" it was SOOOOO nice! My parents were also in Park City so we got to spend some time with them. I have fallen in love with Colorado Chile and the Blue Iguana I ate it two meals in a row, I am very very addicted. We got to go swimming in the hotel pool we also sat in the hot tub.  We walked old Main in Park City and also went to an improve comedy which was a blast. We also just did a lot of nothing and enjoyed each other. It was just what we needed.

On the way home we stopped at Cabella's to pick up Blaine's Father's Day present. He requested fishing poles for each of us and a tackle box. Sneaky boy made it so I get a present too..... Now I can't wait to go fishing just to find the time.

This weekend helped remind me why I married my Hairy Hubby. He is an amazing man! I was reminded that I am the most amazing lady in his eyes. He spoils me rotten and puts me first. I sure love my Hairy Hubby.  He is an amazing father. His heart has been broken over and over again in our journey to become parents and yet he still allows himself to fall in love with these kids that will only tear our hearts out in the end. I love glancing over and seeing two little girls cuddled up to him and at peace.

Thank you Blaine for everything you are and everything you make me want to become. I love you sexy hairy hubby.

Ramblings

Lately I find myself falling very hard for these two little girls in my home. And they the horrible voice in my head says "I really hope the go home soon so it doesn't hurt as bad!"

I feel like I haven't seen my husband much lately, when he gets home it is time for dinner and bed. we get to have an away weekend starting Friday and I am SOOO excited! I am also very excited to go swimming in the hotel swimming pool!! I am a child and I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE hotel swimming pools.

I am so glad it is finally warming up, I try and go on walks once in a while because it seems to help my mood. I also just recently got a free sit and stand double stroller and I love it! The girls seem to like it too.

I don't know what else to blog about..