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Tuesday, April 1, 2014


Does dreaming horrify anyone else? Or is it just me? I am not talking about those crazy things your brain does while you are sleeping. I am talking about hoping and dreaming, -one day I will have a sports car -one day I will have 8 kids -one day I want to be a astronaut -one day I will be happy -one day my life will settle down -one day I will get a new fridge. Honestly any dream or hope scares the bajeebees out of me. I like to say I am a realist but I am pretty sure I am a pessimist. I don't like being disappointed. When I hear of something 'good' that could happen I think of all the bad things that will happen to prevent that from happening. I often wonder if I bring on my own bad luck, I am sure I do but hoping and 'knowing' better will happen gives me a panic attack. I don't like change. I like things to stay the same. I hate risk. I don't like the unknown. I love predictability.  I crave it and when I don't get it I start rocking back and forth get the tiniest bit bitchy and shut down. I can't be the only non dreamer out there....

1 comment:

Savannah said...

Maybe you've had too much life experience to know things don't always come out roses. You've learned that from infertility, foster care, and the last 7 months, as well as any other life experience you have had.
You've taken your many heart aches and turned them into life lessons. Not everyone does that. They keep dreaming and are shocked each time things don't go there way.
You are just doing your best to protect your heart.
Love you!