Grateful

Lately my life has given me a lot of opportunities to grow and learn lessons since August.

•  Blaine has had several periods of unemployment.
•  Blaine is now living and working in a town 2.5 hours away from the kids and I making me essentially a single mom to 4 special needs toddlers. 
• The husband and I haven't been insured since August.
• Needing to fix up the house and sell it. 
• We have had three deaths in the family
• The kids are crazy dis-regulated and testing as many boundaries as possible

I have had a lot of chances for growth. I am not very good at growing I get very grumpy, mean and depressed. I have been a BEAR.

My grateful list.

• I have a wonderful husband, this man is amazing and hasn't left or killed me yet and that speaks wonders of him.
• Even though my kids are so dis-regulated right now they are amazing kids, they are so well behaved (even at their worst) they are so sweet and loving and holy cow are my kids cute!
• Even a travel trailer can be a home as long as you are all there
• Alone time with my husband
• Alone time all by my own self
• Having a husband to cook for
• Bath tubs
• Margaritas
• Friends that listen to me whine for 4 months straight and still love me
• Seeing the magic of Christmas through my kids eyes
• Having kids that don't need expensive stuff and are happy with anything they get
• A vehicle that is safe, warm, paid for and fits all of us in it.
• Money that appears just when you need it
• Someone that doesn't listen and helps even when you insist you don't need anything
• People who feed us, it is so nice having someone take a task off my to do list
• My parents
• God

Grandma and Grandpa

It is so strange to think that now you are both gone. These are things that will always remind me of you both.

• Duct Tape
• Big Red gum but only half a stick
• "Good things come in small packages."
• Chores
• Horses
• Feeding calves
• "We sure are proud of you."
• Bear hugs
• Tongues sticking out when speeding
• Tongues sticking out while concentrating
• Ice Cream
• Dumpster Diving
• D.I.
• Chewy Granola Bars
• Apple Juice
• Milk
• Hard Work
• Service
• Determination
• Stubbornness
• You Are My Sunshine
• Loyalty
• Strength
• yodeling 
• Western movies
• Dr Quinn Medicine Woman

And SO many more things. 

Child hoarding

I am now the "official" Mommy to four children, ages 4, 3, 3 and 21 months. That sounds crazy right? I am so ready for a baby. I want one fresh from heaven so badly it makes my aching ovaries hurt! This does NOT mean I am not grateful for my nuggets, I am! They are mine, I love them. I just know we aren't done and I know Vince can NOT be the baby! I want to be able to breast feed so badly! I mean  it would be super cool to feel the baby inside me but I have such a STRONG desire to breast feed. Growing up all I ever wanted to do was breastfeed. Being a foster parent breastfeeding is not at option. Maybe this is a strange desire but I get so jealous to see mom's breastfeeding. This has been the hardest thing for me to mourn when it comes to infertility. What has been the hardest thing for you to let go of?

August

I am so glad to see August leave us!!
It started out with our youngest in the hospital.

Then Marjean and I got ear infection.

Then my grandma's health declined greatly

Blaine put in his two week notice on a Friday, they accepted it and then when he came on on Monday they had written him a severance check and our insurance was gone.

Looking for CDL work a little more local unsuccessfully, it looks like my husband is likely going to be an over the road trucker.

Complete career change, my husband is going from a computer nerd to trucking..

My grandma passed away. Family Drama! Heart breaking.

Being late to our youngest childs adoption.

Not knowing what our future holds or what to plan for.

September, please be nice!