A year

 A lot has happened in a year. At this time last year we (my family) were all saying goodbye and mourning my grandfather. This time last year was a whirlwind and a bit of a blur. There was family everywhere and no where quiet. It is also the hardest thing to your daddy break down. I sure love my father. He is an awesome strong caring man. I am very blessed to have him. I also really miss my grandpa.  I don't like that if i ever have kids they wont get to know him. I sure miss that man. I never though  that I would miss hearing the same stories and jokes over and over but I do. The lesson I am learning from this is saying goodbye.

The next thing that happened is I broke my ankle. I would not recommend this to anyone. It did help teach me lessons that I think I needed to learn before this entire foster care stuff. I learned that I sometimes have to allow people to help me and that is okay.

In January we became officially foster care licensed parents. And I started working again for a little while. I remembered how much I hated the phone but loved working with fun people and for a good company. I also learned how badly I wanted to stay home.

In March we got our first placement (I think it was March) We had our first holiday with kids it was fun to see them run around looking for eggs and hiding eggs for one another. I got to see my parents be grandparents for the first holiday. Wow my kids are lucky they have some amazing grandparents. I can't believe how quickly we fell in love with our first placement they fit so perfect. We were told they wouldn't leave.. and then they did. Our hearts broke.. and they each took a piece with them.

Then in August we received a different placement and many many more lessons that we need to learn. Like.. I enjoy babies that don't crawl a little more then babies that do LOL and soon we may be learning on how to raise a child that needs a little more help.

I am now a stay at home wife and "mom" I feel that I really suck at it. They house is never clean. I seem to never have food lately. Mostly because I haven't gone shopping in a long time. I am also having a hard time balancing everything, being a wife, "mom", sister, daughter etc..Does anyone else have these problems? What do you do? I feel like I can never get my house to square one so it is only upkeep. Any tips on how to get to this point?

I feel  like this year has been a really long year. I also feel like a lot has happened. I have grown closer to my husband and family and realized how amazingly lucky I am.  Now this blog doesn't cover the half of it, but all that i can't think of to write about while pretending to take take of two little monsters

I am so lucky

I don't think that I have wrote much about my family. I am the oldest of 8 kids, and the baby is 6. There are five of us girls and 3 boys. I wasn't the nicest teenager. Now I know that it isn't normal for a teenager to be nice.. but I was HORRIBLE!!!  I had a lot going on, among other things. Maybe one day I will delve into this but maybe not. During these very dark years I was convinced that my parents would not be a part of my adult life. I didn't want them around me or my kids. I am SO glad that I finally grew up! I can not imagine my life without my parents in it. They are amazing people. Without them I am certain I would not be who I am today. This weekend has been a very tough one for our family. I have lost a lot of faith in human kind. I have had to try and learn the hard lesson that I can't always protect my siblings. This hurts me a lot. I am a "Mother Bear" of sorts. I will only snap at you if you poke me, but if you even look at a loved one wrong I am liable to kill you. I don't like the amount of anger I currently have in my heart but I don't know how to process what happened this weekend. It all makes no sense to me. I don't know how to work through my current feelings. And I hate seeing my siblings in the same ship as me and not being able to process it. Do to this horrible heart wrenching thing my parents are currently down with my Brother (the oldest brother and 2nd child of the family) taking care of him. I am attempting to play "mom". Luckily my family was staying at my house the night things happened so my parents were able to leave the kids and go. I hope I am helping with at least some stress in them knowing that these kids are okay and that they are able to focus on Keith. I came back to Roosevelt, Utah (my home town) with my siblings to make sure that everyone can get to school and get places that they need to go. I had to leave my hairy husband at home. I sure miss him. I am greatful that I have him. I am greatful for my parents. I know that they will be there for me no matter what I need. I know that they will support me in everything. I know that they are here for our family. I am so glad that we have a close family, we may be very very crazy and loud but I am glad that we have each other. I am glad that I was raised to always be there for one another I am glad I was taught respect and how to treat others I am very glad that I was taught that without family you have nothing, friends come and go but you are stuck with family. Thank you dear lord for my crazy family.

TMI...I am sure of it

So I notice my blog is very boring. I would like to make it more boring. Lately I have been feeling like I really need to get on some type of birth control. 'What, a infertile person needs birth control?' Well yes we do. LUCKY US!! (Not so much) My cramps have been taking me out of commission for at least a day and that is even with tons and tons of drugs. It is hard to be out of commission for at least a day a month with little monsters in the house. I do have an amazing hairy husband that steps up when I can't move but I hate being in that much pain. You may find yourself asking why I am not already on birth control if the pain is that bad. Because there is like the smallest itsy bitsy tiny smallest chance that we could get pregnant and I feel like if I get on birth control then I am shutting a door on God and not letting him do what he wants to do . But I am also tired of the little tinj of heartache when grumpy Aunt Flo comes around. I still don't know what to do. My amazing hairy husband said that the chance of maybe getting pregnant isn't worth the pain he sees me in. I sure love that man. So now.. what to do..

Well that was a gross post.. Sorry guys just had to get it off my chest I guess. Today my goal is to get laundry done and I would LOVE to get our spare room put together but I don't know if I can do that by myself. So How is everyone of my 4 readers?

hmph

Do you ever just want your mommy? Today I do!!! I am sure I would move to the "Basin" in 3 hours flat today..

Sleeping, and not sleeping

I have a 6 (close to 7 month) old foster baby that WILL NOT sleep unless he is bundled in 2-3 blankets so he can't move, with a bink in his mouth. Today he fell asleep under a blankey YAY that is so exciting to me. I would see if his bink was in his mouth but I am afraid that he might wake up.

This last weekend the hairy husband and I went to Park City, Utah for a night. We even dressed up and went out to dinner, and then Chocolate Factory for fudge, and then the liquor store. We tried a Strawberry White Zinfandel. Blaine took one sip and he was done.. I had a glass it wasn't bad but not my favorite that is for sure. On the way home Sunday we stopped at the Hub and had breakfast and peach pie... I WANT MORE OF THE PEACH PIE!! It was home made with fresh peaches it was amazing and Delicious. Blaine then got me a clock that I have been wanting FOREVER I love it. I am a luck woman to have such an amazing man. I love my husband sooooooooo much. The get away was just want we needed.

Changes

Sorry that I haven't posted in a while ( I am not sure that many people read the blog so I am sure no one noticed). We received another placement, two boys, 6 months and 2 years. This adjustment has been much harder then our prior one. The actual case has been easier however. We have actually been in the loop and know what the goals are. I can't tell you how amazing this is for us. It has mad it a lot easier. The 6 month old is finally sleeping through the night now too so that is helping. I feel horrible for the sweet two year old though, he misses home and his parents so much. Each day seems to get a little easier for him.

Blaine and I are taking another night at a hotel. We have sure missed each other lately, which makes me grumpy. It also seems like we have been going non stop for a while. Our yard sale is over and well we didn't do so great at all. So we have all the stuff in our yard still. I am willing to pay someone $20 to come take it away today!

Speaking of my wonderful husband and our yard sale. He manned the second yard sale all by himself so I could go to a funeral in my home town. He is an amazing man and I am so glad that I have him. We may not like each other sometimes but I am so greatful he is mine. He is the best Man in the entire world.  He is such a strong person and he keeps me sane.

Grandpa

All days I miss my grampa but somedays I forget he is gone and wonder what he is doing, and then get hit by a ton of bricks remembering that he isn't on this earth anymore. I sure miss hearing him say "we sure are proud of you guys" "I sure do love you, you are a good kid" My grandpa was an awesome strong man, he taught me that duct and bailing twine will fix everything, and duct tape makes awesome band aids. I hate that my kids wont ever get to meet my awesome grandpa here on earth but I know that he is up there loving on them and teaching them all about duct tape and bailing twine. I really miss his stories.

 I loved how unforgettable you made my wedding day. I miss hearing about all your horses, every time I see a horse i think of you. You were  the best grandpa anyone could ask for. I miss you saying "Heather Feather how is the weather?"

Grampa I sure love you and I am really proud of you. I miss you a lot. Give our babies some loves for us please, but don't keep them up there to long I sure want to love on them!